On the street, where reputations are made, it doesn’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile: Winning is winning. In a world beyond the law, if you have what it takes you can have it all. But when rivalry is a way of life- when loyalty is all that matters- would you be willing to risk everything? I would. Would you? If so, you might be interested in adopting me.

[Mindy]

We’re identical twins, and we’re also best friends. Our family and friends can tell us apart, but sometimes strangers can’t. We like to play pranks on people. We’re world-class doubles tennis players, we sing backup harmonies for an internationally-famous pop star, we’ve done a few commercials, we share clothes when we wear them, and we have our own secret language. You know, the usual twin stuff. Cindy will finish…

[Cindy]

…so yeah, we love to be together, but we’re ready to spend a little time apart. That’s why we want to be adopted by two different owners. But they have to see each other a lot. Like, they’re best friends. That way we get to see each a whole bunch and can still practice tennis. We also got these cool mailboxes so we can write each other letters!

I work for the Georgia Department of Natural Resources. I’m a scientist in their stuffed sea turtle protection division. Unlike living sea turtles, stuffed sea turtles don’t have to live by the sea. That’s why I’m not stationed on the coast like my human counterparts. The shrinking stuffed sea turtle population went unnoticed until quite recently, but my agency hopes to change that through outreach programs like mine. I locate and track endangered stuffed sea turtles like myself, educating them about proper fur and filling care.

I’m the next in a long line of SARF residents that suffer from a condition called ‘Elephant Paws.’ It isn’t very serious as long as I get my weekly paw massages. And it does have its good points. For instance, my balance is exceptional! That’s why I became a yoga instructor. I feel like this was my calling from the very beginning. I lead morning classes at SARF Headquarters, and it’s so fun to see the residents grow in strength, flexibility and mental calm.

I do a little bit of acting, a little modeling, a few training videos every now and then… You know how it goes. They call and they call and they call. I tell them I’ll get back to them when I have time- which is, like, never. My schedule’s booked months ahead. Plus, I need my sleep, you know? Gotta have that Chill Time. Most people don’t take their Chill Time, and that’s when they start looking rough.

Do your own thing. Peace.

They tell me I’m called ‘in danger’, but I feel safe at the SARF. I guess I’m the last stuffed Homo habilis, but I don’t know who that is because my name is Gabe. I don’t think about it much. I like rocks. They are strong and they can break things. I don’t break most things though because I like things and I like to hug and my arms are long. I am Gabe and I like rocks. This is my bio that I wrote.

I always wanted to be a pilot, but things never worked out. It’s okay. It’s used to drive me crazy, but I’m over it. There were a lot of strikes against me from the get-go. Like the not-having-thumbs thing. And the being stuffed thing… I just couldn’t get the solo flight hours I needed to get my license. But way in the back of my mind I can’t help but think, “It’s because I’m a pig, isn’t it?” But you just have to let those things go and move on with your life.

I’m sort of a stay-at-home mom, and sort of a high-tech industry professional. It’s a fine line these days! My little ones are more than a handful. Thankfully, my company still allows me to work from home on most days- and I’m much more productive that way. Otherwise, I’d constantly be worrying, “Are at least 5,000 of my 20,000 children safe?” Plus, do you know how much tadpole care costs these days? Outrageous!

I’m quite a bit older than a lot of the SAs here, but it’s nice to be around the little whippersnappers. They keep me young! Some of them even help me in the garden. I like to tell them stories about how things were before our owners could email and text each other every ten seconds. We used to have pretend conversations back then! Yep, those were the good old days. But I like these days, too! My new friends taught me how to use the e-mail so I can send letters to my sister in Alaska. Times change, don’t they?

Hello. Hello. Very busy. Nice to meet you. Must. Keep. Working. Must make sense. Must. Hurry. Hello.