Nathan suffers from a protein deficiency that makes it difficult for him to maintain consciousness. We’ve observed that when he is awake, however briefly, he enjoys playing chess with Larry, turning over on his other side, and eating. He’s been working on his bio since he arrived at The SARF, but it’s understandably slow-going. We are looking forward to learning more about him in the coming weeks, as we continue to explore treatment options for his condition.

Poet Laureate of The SARF’s 2014 Petting Zoo

A selection of poems from Mark Stitch’s anthology, Avoiding Dismemberment, released in early 2013

Avoiding Dismemberment, 2011

In a washing machine,
I am the absence of… machine.
I am always in a pillow case.
When I flip my arms and legs become squished and
are released again.
My stuffing shifts to fill in the spaces
where my fur once stuck together.
We all have reasons for pillow cases.
I use them to avoid dismemberment.

The Thief, 1994

There was a stuffed dino from Texas
whose best friends were real live T-Rexes!
Then a rock fell one night
and they vanished from sight
So he drove off in somebody’s Lexus

I’ve been enjoying my time teaching at The SARF. I’ve met a lot of very talented players. Unfortunately, my best student suffers from a nutritional condition that sometimes makes our games frustratingly slow. It’s worth it, though. When he’s awake, he’s one of the smartest natural strategists I’ve ever played. It’s almost as if he’s dreaming about his next move.

I started taking jazz and tap when I was barely out of the factory, but it wasn’t until I started tumbling class at age four that I realized my true calling: Rhythmic Gymnastics! It combines strength, flexibility, and the artistry of dance. I’d love to meet a human companion who shares these passions, particularly because I need frequent rides to the gym and dance studio. Carpooling is MUCH cheaper than Uber, despite its unquestionable convenience. Also, it would be invaluable to have a friend who understands the hectic training and travel schedule of a world class athlete like myself.

I’m an aerospace engineer. I deal mostly with astronautics, with a specific focus on astrodynamics. When I was younger, I dreamt of being the first female stuffed animal on the Mars. There was once a lot of support for an SA-manned trip to Mars, since it would eliminate most complications and costs associated with sustaining human life on extended space journeys… But enthusiasm has waned steadily since the Bush administration. Although NASA and NASASA still work closely with one another, many crucial joint programs have been discontinued due to budget cuts. Industry consensus is that nobody will be landing on Mars anytime soon. These days, I’m more interested in building spacecrafts than I am in riding in them! My team and I are pursuing viable designs capable of meeting the many challenges of deep space exploration.

I don’t know why, but I’ve always felt a little out of place… Even when I was younger, my stuffed friends were always pretending to run around and pretending to climb trees and pretending to play kickball… but pretending to do all of those things is hard when you don’t have stuffed arms or legs. First, you have to pretend to have the limbs that you don’t have before you can even begin to pretend to be able to move them… So you’re always a step behind in the pretending. It gets confusing.
It’d be nice to find a human companion with a REALLY big imagination. Or maybe someone who has other stuffed or living fish around. I’ve never really lived with my own species. Maybe I’d feel more comfortable pretending with them. And it’d be neat if the person who adopted me had a pool or lived near a lake. I’ve heard those are cool. I’ve never lived anywhere like that!

ADOPTION UPDATE:

Forrest at his new home in Nevada!

I’ve always had a head for numbers. Don’t tell the big boss, but most of the time I don’t even use my calculator! They’re not exactly designed with cloven hoofed SAs in mind! Plus, I’m much more comfortable working in base 8. Of course I always convert everything into base 10 for transparency purposes. I’ve been tasked with the challenge of getting The SARF’s bookkeeping in order. It’s not a small task, either. But I have Quickbooks all set up now, so Wendy should be able to handle things on her own once I’m adopted in January, at the beginning of the new tax year. I’d be a great adoption choice for a small business owner, as I’d be glad to provide free accounting services for my new human companion(s)!

I was born in St. Paul. My grandparents parents came to the US on a huge ship across the ocean. Like many SAs of their time, they made their ways to the big city toy store with dreams of a new life with a special family. And like them, I, too, am hoping for a new life and a new family. I don’t shed or eat. I’m not big on walks. I won’t make you feel guilty for going to happy hour. If you take me with you on road trips and let me sit in the passenger seat, you might be able to get away with driving in the HOV lane. Please give me a chance.