I am a barber, specializing in stuffed animal facial hair grooming, consulting, and transplantation. Because I have no mouth to speak of, I have many more facial hair options than many of my living and stuffed counterparts. I guess that’s how I got interested in the profession in the first place. For SAs who are unable to grow facial fur naturally, I offer them them option of fur transplantation. And I am not just a performer of these procedures… I am also a client!

I’m Herbert. You can call Herb, though. My father was a stuffed giraffe, and my mother was a stuffed hippo. I guess opposites attract! I used to think I got the worst of both: I have my mom’s stubby legs, but I’m pretty gentle, like my dad.

I suffered through quite a few nicknames during my high school days… The stuffed giraffes called me No-Neck, Short Stuff… The hippos called me Hippy… Young SAs can be pretty cruel sometimes.

It was hard growing up as a hipporaffe, but in college I finally made peace with myself- with the help of the campus Hipporaffe Club. It’s a small-but-active community devoted to the celebration of unique SAs like myself.

I’ve always been fascinated by the dessert world. I guess I was made for it. I would live in dessert if I could! Dry, baked desserts are my favorites, but they can be tricky to navigate. I’d love to find a home with a good oven and a family who appreciates the sweeter things in life!

My father was a drummer (I inherited his excellent rhythm), and my mother was a jockey. Ever since I was a foal, I always wanted to be a racehorse. Unfortunately, I had a birth defect (‘timer’ growth on my abdomen) that made this impossible for me. My abdominal timer is rather heavy, and it drags on the ground when I am on all fours. Being a jockey like mom really isn’t an option either, because my knob irritates horses’ backs when I lean forward when riding.

But! Despite my early setbacks and disappointments, I have come to see my timer as an unique asset!

I have special talents that SAs without timer growths do not have! I currently work as a track coach, chef’s assistant (specializing in egg timing), board game facilitator, rocket launch speciailist, factory efficiency expert, test administrator, substitute metronome for the symphony, meditation leader, bell tower manager, and watch repair technician.

People often ask me how I manage to juggle my various jobs. I tell them it’s actually pretty easy if you stay organized. For some reason, good time management has always come easy for me.
In fact, I’ll be teaching a continuing education course on time management in the fall. Email me via thesarf.org if you’re interested in more information.

I grew up on the road, traveling from town-to-town as one of a hundred potential prizes awarded to winners of a ring toss game. Luckily, nobody ever won me. One day, the owner of the carnival spotted me, and he noticed my talent for hooking rings on my own uniquely-shaped horns. He hired me on the spot to be the new ring toss target! I’ve been working at the carnival many years now, and I’m loving the job security.

As you probably already know, Tu.Peat rose to fame after being featured on the SA talent search show, So You Wish You Could Dance, where he was runner up, losing to an SA who actually did dance (see forthcoming article SYWYCD SA Performance Enhancing Controversy).

Tu.Peat’s latest album has been number two on the Stuffed Hiphop Charts for the last two weeks, and he holds the record for the second-most number two hits on the SA charts.

Known for his ironic “Press Me” tattoo, which he sees as a form of protest against the installation of electronic voice boxes in stuffed animals, Tu.Peat is both an artist and an activist.

He is the founder of the anti-talking plush toys movement, which protests the manufacturing of SAs with push-activiated sound boxes that force them to repeat phrases which may or may not relate to their true individual personalities. He feels that SAs should explore their creative impulses to the fullest without the intervention of pre-programmed sounds.

In addition to his many talents and achievements, Tu.Peat is now the proud owner and creator of his own SA hi-definition headphone line: Peats.