Hello. I’m Burt. I like reeding and math, but I’m not grate at speling. People just asume I’m a champion, because of how I look. But I’m trying to get bedder. I’d love to find a family who will help me study.

Master tailor specializing in custom stuffed animal formalwear. 25 years experience. References Available.

Hi. Not much time to write. Busy filing extensions. Contact The SARF for my info.

I’m just your average bear. I like to snuggle and to sleep late. I’m looking for an owner who enjoys the same. Thank you for reading my story.

Rare Vampire Land Walrus. Cover neck when petting. Very gentle once adjusted to new surroundings. Be safe.

Sure, I’ve done some things I’m not proud of… I did my fair share of biting the hand that pretended to feed me. But that part of my life is over. It took some tough love from a few of the older crocogators at SPA (and the surgical removal of my stuffed teeth), but I’m proud to says it’s been several years since my last chomp. I’m taking it one human-aided step at a time.

I got my first newspaper route when I was just a hatchling. I could only carry coupon inserts back then, but these days I can carry three city blocks’ worth of Sunday papers in one trip. Of course, this is due in part to shrinking numbers of newspaper subscriptions these days, but even at the height of print journalism, I could still cover two blocks with ease. With hard work and a flexible throat pouch, I’ve turned my high school job into a multi-hundred dollar business!

I’m a Commentologist. People get confused a lot when I tell them this. They’ll say, “Oh, I’ve been looking for a new hairdresser!” or they’ll start rattling off questions about Thread Theory… It’s understandable, though, since I’m the First! in my field. I analyze my clients’ online commenting habits to derive insight into their behavioral patterns. This gained self-awareness, in conjunction with classic cognitive behavioral therapy, has proven a successful means to affect change. My former owner and I recently decided to part ways, and I would like to provide my professional services to a new owner pro bono in exchange for a place in loving environment with a qualifying tax-deductible home office space with high ceilings to accommodate indoor arboreal structures.