I’m a Mixed Martial Artist specializing in super-close combat techniques. Sure, my upper body strength isn’t what it could be and I’ve got a pretty short reach, but I use it to my advantage. I have pioneered my own fighting style which has been mimicked by quite a few other fighters who face similar wingspan deficiencies. In short, I wave my tiny arms to distract opponents and then swipe with my tail when they least expect it. It’s more complicated and subtle than that, but that’s the gist of it. I’ve had quite a bit of success, but I’ve also suffered my fair share of tail injuries! The SARF have plans to fix me up before I get adopted.

I am a proponent of the Extra-Tiny House Movement.
Unlike the Tiny House Movement, supports a return to houses smaller than 1,000 square feet, the Extra-Tiny House Movement calls for even tinier homes- with less than 25 square feet! Some people and SAs feel that this is too extreme, but I’m finding this 16 square foot house to be more than enough space for my needs. In fact, I’ve recently taken in a roommate to help share the bills and upkeep responsibilities. After I’m adopted, I’ll be donating my extra-tiny house to The SARF so they can continue to spread the word about efficient and affordable living.

You might notice that I’m a bit stiff… but that doesn’t mean I don’t like to snuggle. It’s just a little harder for me than it is for a lot of SAs. See, I have a condition called Polyfiber Fibrosis. It basically means I have excess connective tissue in my stuffing that causes me to appear stoic and unloving. But I can assure you this is far from true! I am a warm and compassionate SA with much to offer to a living companion who is willing to overlook my hardened exterior and questionable fashion sensibilities. Because of my condition, I’ve developed a sense of calm that I think is a comfort to some folks. I’m also great at activities that require concentration, so I can probably help you A.D.D. folks out there. I am particularly good at building complex playing card castles, playing Jenga, soldering.

I lost my left flipper in a snow skiing accident a few years ago, but I’ve made a complete recovery. So far, I opted not to get a prosthetic, although the folks at The SARF have offered to create one for me free of charge. I’m still contemplating what sort of attachment I would like, and I admit I’ve been a little indecisive. Plus, I’ve actually been using my injury to my advantage. See, due to my lack of left flipper, I’m a bit directionally challenged. I can’t really move to my right very easily. Or in a straight line. However, it is effortless for me to move in counter-clockwise circles. I’m much more efficient than other SAs who have both of their flippers and have a choice of directional movement. Because of this, I’ve been employed as tour guide leading schools of SA fish around Austin’s watering holes. I stick to my path, and my mind is free to explain and describe things without ever having to think about where I’m going. I’ve got a 5-star rating!

Hi there! I’m Suzanne. I am a floor-refinishers’ assistant specializing in high-gloss finishing. My employers love me because I’m super efficient and I don’t require much in the way of equipment! I love my job because I basically get to roll around all day. Sometimes I even get to pretend to play fetch. I have to admit I’m not that good at catching or chasing balls, though, given that I’m stuffed and can’t move on my own. But still, I can’t complain.

We have been traversing the concrete highways, edged with dry and broken grass, among the grasshoppers and ants and other turtles like us, turning aside for nothing, dragging our high-domed shells slowly, plodding restlessly on tender feet, and holding our heads high. Not walking, since we are stuffed, but more like being boosted or dragged, leaving our drought-plagued home in California behind, like so many like us, in search of the fertile- or at least more damp- land of Oklahoma. Dodging sedans and trucks and the occasional eerily silent Prius, sometimes grazed or flipped like tiddly-winks, spun like coins and turned on our backs, but always, always turning ourselves again upright, looking ahead with humorous eyes, plodding on tired stuffed nails, slipping steadily forward.

Note: This family of three turtles must be adopted together. We don’t know the names of the other two turtles, but we’ve taken to calling them Rose and Connie.

Hidey ho, neighbor! My name is Will. It’s a pleasure to meet you. A little about me? Well, for one thing, I won a gold medal at the 2014 The World Championships of Stuffed Animal Fencing. It’s not the most common of SA activities, we are a close-knit and devoted community. That’s one of the reasons I got into the sport in the first place (aside from the exercise!). We’re generally a friendly bunch, but fencing also teaches a certain respect for others’ boundaries. I love meeting new SAs (and their human companions), and I enjoy sharing my knowledge with the youngsters when I can. I think you’ll find I’m a fascinating and fun-loving SA with a lot to offer your family and your neighborhood!