I’m Goldie. My mother was a stuffed flounder. My father was a stuffed supernova. As you can probably guess, growing up in a bi-sentient family was pretty confusing. The neighbor kids were always asking me questions like, ‘Hey, Goldie, are you conscious or non-conscious?’ or, “Do you breathe through gills, or do you emit all of the gases you need for survival?” You know how cruel kids can be. I suffered from low self esteem for most of my life, but I’m finally on the right track. It was a long, hard road, but I have chosen to self-identify as a ‘Stuffed Entity Representative of Various Organic Materials’.